Dear moms at the park,
Hi. You don’t know me, I don’t usually hang out at the park during the day. Heck, who am I kidding, we don’t go to the park much at all. I’m mean to my kid like that. Well, not so much mean as we don’t have time. We get home with if we’re lucky two hours before bedtime. Well, we did before I had the summer off with a newborn. Now we have all kinds of time. I’m even awake for some of it. That is beside the point.
You don’t know me because I’m new here. I don’t usually look like this. Well, sort of. I mean, my hair looks like crap a lot, and well, I’m in desperate need of waxing, and I may have forgotten to shave my legs recently. Hey though, I did shower recently. I think that was yesterday. I also don’t wear black all the time but these are the only pants that fit me that aren’t falling apart. These and the other pair of black maternity capris that I own. I have those and two black nursing tanks. I feared what white would show with the spitting up newborn and grabby four year old, so all I got was black, which sort of looks odd with only have black pants. Think of it as a return to our goth years in middle school. That was only me? OK. Just wait until I dye my grey hair purple.
So, you don’t know me, but I would love to know you. You can expect to see me here a lot. I’ll be hovering over my kid trying to make sure she isn’t a little shit to your kid, like she is to me. I’ll also be looking to help her should your kid be a shit to her. She hasn’t made that connection yet. She may look like she’s six or seven, but trust me, she’s four. She behaves like a four year old. Yes, my husband is quite tall. The baby is only three weeks old. Yes, she’s big too. Yes, my husband is quite tall. She also eats all the time. Hope you don’t mind, but she isn’t very good at doing it under a blanket yet, so yes, I did just flash your kid. Get over it.
I’m home with two kids, feeling sort of like a hostage, until labor day. So, if you wouldn’t mind, maybe say Hi. Our kids will likely both be going to the school right here next to the park in a little over a year. Might as well get it out of the way now. You’ll have plenty of time to judge me for being a working mom that way. I’ll have plenty of time to wonder how with three kids at home you ever shave your legs.