I am not a dude.

Me, this morning, still a little puffy eyed.

There are a few things you get used to being a woman in a male dominated field.  You get used to the fact that sometimes you will hear things you really wish you couldn’t unhear.  You will accidentally find yourself a casualty in a fart war.  You will never get to have the girly discussions in the office, even when you’re pregnant (which is a great time for fart war revenge). You will get accomplished at “that’s what she said”.  I have always been “one of the guys” and it is where I find myself most comfortable most of the time.

The thing I never get used to is the sexism, and I’m glad I’m never going to get used to it.  I will never get used to having been told by a manager that the whole reason that someone was promoted was because “their wife was pregnant, again”.  I will never get used to having a manager (not mine) tell me that women should always stay home when their kids are young.  I will never get used to having people assume that I can’t do long hours some days because most days I make my kids a priority.

I have short hair.  I love my short hair.  I’m keeping my short hair even though it isn’t my husband’s favorite.  I also have boobs.  Big ones thanks to weight gain and having kids.  (40D, on my way to 38D) I also have a small amount of facial hair because of an unfortunate confluence of genetics and a hormone imbalance.  But make no mistake, I have womanly curves.  I wear feminine glasses.  I wear clothes that accentuate the best of my girly body. I also have a feminine voice.  Just since we’re listing off all of the ways I am most definitely NOT a dude.

I am not a “gentleman”.  Also, the correct response to me correcting you about my gender is, “I’m so sorry.”, not defending or reiterating that you thought I was a man.  Especially not coming from a teacher in a class that my company paid 3k for me to take.

I’m in the process of trying to calm down, to relax so that I can get work done from home.  I can get used to a lot of being around guys all the time.  I just can’t get used to being called a guy to my face.

Maybe it is having grown up with buck teeth and a boy haircut.  Maybe it is because my first name is a guy’s first name.  Maybe it is because I’m still bearing the scars of having my gender preference questioned by bullies my whole childhood. I don’t care what it is.  I shouldn’t have to put up with it.

I am, most definitely, not a dude.



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  1. Posted November 5, 2012 at 10:57 am | Permalink

    I suggest you have them drop and give you 20 gender pushups. (Ma’am you’re a ma’am not a sir ma’am one ma’am, ma’am you’re a ma’am not a sir ma’am two ma’am, and so on). Highly effective means of ensuring that mistake is never made again.

    Because dude, you’re really cute.
    Julie Marsh recently posted..The NYC ING Marathon: Get your priorities straight

  2. Posted November 5, 2012 at 1:52 pm | Permalink

    When you first twittered about this, I assumed that he’d like, referred to the whole class as “dudes” or something, NOT that he’d mistaken you for a guy! Really?! You so definitely look like the woman you are that it never even occurred to me that that could ever happen to you! You are the first person I know with your unusual first name, so I don’t think of it as a specifically-male name at all, but I also know a girl named “Kevin.” Still, even if it was a ridiculous mistake to make, a sincere apology is/was called for by your instructor.
    MsHuisHerself recently posted..NaBloPoMo, I guess

  3. Posted November 5, 2012 at 4:16 pm | Permalink

    He is an insensitive ass. But you know that already. Hugs.
    Liz recently posted..Have I been away too long?

  4. Posted November 15, 2012 at 12:40 am | Permalink

    I love your bathroom shots. Is it okay to say you’re adorable? Because you are.
    Sam recently posted..Christmas Cards

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