Secret, I love shoveling snow. It is one of my favorite things to do. I don’t mean shoveling it in a rush so you can get out the door to work. I mean the kind of shoveling that you do when it is late at night, or early in the morning, when there is no one else around. I live in a huge city, next to a busy street, but when I am shoveling at night, it is peaceful. The zen of it really. It is methodical, relaxing, and a work out.
Tonight I shoveled after we caught the edge of a big storm. We don’t seem to have any of our own, we just get the edges of them. I took my time, got every little bit I could, trying to get the most exercise out of the deal. I shoveled the back sidewalk even though we don’t use it for anything but taking out the garbage right now. I shoveled the stairs, even the front ones we don’t use. I shoveled to find a little peace.
I am struggling and I don’t seem to know why. Perhaps it is the stress of M’s upcoming psych evals. Perhaps it is her being sick, not eating well, still being sick, and clearly struggling with her emotional well being. Perhaps it is work, and my upcoming trip. Whatever it is, I needed the snow. I needed to find a little relaxation in the scraping of plastic and metal on concrete, throw left, then throw right, balance in the mundane.