We’re very, very happy with our neighborhood school.
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I also have a 4 almost 5 year old who seems like he has lost the ability to do things he used to do with no issues. We’ve found that we have to be *very* specific and provide more assistance than we thought we would need to. So, instead of telling her “clean your room” give her 3 tasks “pick up your books” “put your clothes in the dirty laundry” and “make your bed.”
Casey recently posted..I’m Reading, and I Love It!

Second, I got tired of the back and forth arguing about picking up his things. So, when I ask him to clean up his toys and he says NO, I tell him, “That’s ok. You don’t have to. I’ll pick them up for you.” The first time I said this he gave me a strange look. Then I said, “Yes, and I’ll put them somewhere where only I can play with them. If I’m the one taking care of them, then I’m the one that gets to play with them.” One time he did test me on that. He said, “OK…you can do it.” And I put the toys on the top shelf of my closet. He had to earn them back. Now when I say, “Oh, sweetie, you don’t have to pick them up,” he gives me that knowing look and gets right to it.

Good luck!

Also, I think it may not be “lying” so much as it is “wanting to avoid getting into trouble” or “not knowing where to start.” That may be a fine distinction, but it seems applicable.

I think asking for 1 task is actually really perceptive. “Clean up” can often be too general for toddlers/preschoolers. Make sure each toy/toy category (in our house it’s things like “cars,” “dinosaurs,” “legos”) have a designated spot that’s easy for her to put them away in and that she’ll remember. We say things like “Put the cars in the car basket…1 2 3 GO!” a LOT. It’s 1 task (cars) with 1 solution (basket). No choices involved.

My kids also like racing the timer, but that could definitely vary by the kid’s personality. It’s amazing how much they can put away in one minute when they are racing, but some kids might respond better to things like counting (put 5 cars in the basket) or singing the clean-up song (I’m guessing her daycare has a clean-up song!).

You could also ask her daycare teachers – do they emphasize having the kids clean up after themselves? How does she do at school? Maybe they have some top-secret tricks that would work at home. We often try to carry0ver school rules at home (if they are ones we agree with).

This is getting long, but I have one more thing! Is this behavior happening all the time or have you noticed any trends? I am trying to apply the HALT method (Hungry/Angry/Lonely/Tired) to parenting. I’m not in recovery, but when I first read about it, it immediately resonated with me, probably because I have blood sugar issues & tend to get very, very crabby when hungry. And guess what? So do my kids!!! So I know if any of the HALT items apply, we might have a tough time with whatever task they are supposed to be doing. For my older son (hungry), that means a snack before homework. For the younger (lonely), it may mean I do something in his room (put away laundry) while he cleans up. I don’t DO the cleaning up for him, but I keep him company & we work together.

Good luck!

Before she has to do any actual room cleaning, sit down with her and write some “Room Cleaning Rules” so it’s really clear what will and won’t be accepted. Let her be really involved (pick out different colored markers for each rule, have her draw/instruct you to draw pictures for each rule) and write the rules as though she is saying them (so that when she references the pictures and reviews the rules, she’s saying “I ____”). The rules could involve how long she has to clean up her room, where different items go (“I will put all my dolls in the pink toy box”. “I will put all of my books neatly in the bookshelf”, stuff like that), how often she can ask for help (“I need to do my chores all by myself, like a big girl. If I need help putting something up high, I can put it by the door until I am ALL DONE. When I am ALL DONE with everything else, Mommy or Daddy will help me put it up high) and any consequences that will happen if she doesn’t follow the rules (“If the timer goes off and I haven’t finished cleaning, I don’t get _____”, “If I leave the room three times, then I don’t get ___”, “If Mommy has to remind me to keep cleaning three times, then I don’t get ___”). Just make sure you end with something super positive and exciting though (“When I clean my room all by myself like a big girl, Mommy and Daddy will be SO PROUD OF ME, and we will all get to do ____ together!!!”) If you write the rules really generically (saying “special treat” instead of a specific incentive) and put the rules into a plastic sheet protector, you can use a dry erase marker to draw/write what the treat du jour is at the bottom of the page! That way, if it’s not motivating enough, next time you can use a wet napkin to erase the treat and set up a new one without having to draw a whole new rule set!)

Hope that helps!
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Good luck!
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